fournineteen staging

30 days meme - day 4

Day 4 - A Habit You Wish You Didn't Have

I waste water.

No lie: this is a huge pet peeve of my husband's. I go to take a shower. I turn on the water, I get it nice and hot - and I don't get in it until however long later. I like the bathroom to be steamy. I like the sound of the water. I just can't seem to find the motivation to bathe sometimes, so I just hang out.

Feel free to label me as an environmentally unfriendly crazy person. But rest assured - I use those lovely reusable grocery bags.

30 days meme - day 3

Day 3 - A picture of you and your friends

I don't really have any recent pictures of me and anyone else, except for with my kids. This  is the m  ost recent of me and my sister-in-law, Stephanie. I remember  meeting Stephanie when Jason and I first started dating - she was 13. Now we have daughters just 4 months apart in age and some  times we get to go out drinking. She's a good girl, and I'm glad she's not just my sister-in-law, but also my friend.

  

30 days meme - day 2

I mean, no one really expected me to do a 30 day meme in 30 days, right? I didn't think so.

Day 02- The meaning behind your Blog name

So I finally settled on a blog name. It was rough, because I think of myself as not being very creative, and so what I settled on finally was fournineteen, my kids' birthdays - Hunter was born on the fourth, and Sophia the nineteenth. This isn't a mommy blog, but mommyhood will inevitably creep in often, so I may as well embrace it.

Being a mommy is a huge part of my life, and I suppose I'm kidding myself if I said that the birth of Hunter wasn't a defining moment. I never grew up thinking about what kind of mother I would be, or dreaming of babies. I never thought I wanted kids. To this day, I don't consider myself a person who likes kids, and I'm not really comfortable around them (except for mine, or around those whose parents I'm close to). I tend to speak to them like they're little adults, and that's sometimes a point of frustration because when your son is 5 and acting like a maniac and you're in a frazzled state of mind and you tell him to stop being irrational and he has NO idea what you mean and you have to stop everything and try to define this giant word...

But, really, I've tried not to lose myself in motherhood. I see women at the grocery store driving their minivans with their soccer mom stickers, well groomed with acrylic nails and colored hair, toddlers in tow, and I wonder where they have the time. Do they stay at home with their kids? Could I ever be that woman?

I lost my job in September 2009. Two weeks later, I took a positive pregnancy test. I landed my current job when Sophia was 3 months old - I was a housewife just a few months short of a year. It was a nice break but here's my deep dark secret - I'd rather work. I like having my own identity outside of wife and mother. I struggled a lot with the guilt from that, but it's the truth. At least for now.

if i'd lived right

In a search for new ideas (which are eluding me like I can't even begin to tell you), I decided to skim through some old journals. I started at the beginning of my weblog days (or at least at the beginning of what I saved) - 1999.

Nineteen ninety nine.

I wasn't even 21 years old. I still had my very first job. And the overwhelming theme to everything - I was so sad. I was really, really lost in my own skin, my own head, my own life. But I was 20. Twenty. What I would do with that time, that freedom, that youth now, 14 years later.

But here's the thing - as unhappy as I was then, I don't identify with that same person. Sure, some of the things I wrote are still a theme in my life. Relationships, friendships, insecurities - those haven't gone away. But while I can remember exactly where I was sitting when I typed those words, I can see the apartment, hear the cat meowing, feel the sadness, I don't really identify with that girl anymore.

That's actually not a bad feeling.

I've gone through a lot of shit since 1999, and I've drug a lot of people through it with me. But I guess it's safe to say I've learned a lot. I've grown a lot. I've made two beautiful children, I've built a life with the man that I love and that - even when he shouldn't have - has stood by me and loved me for just short of half of my life. The bad stuff is what makes you appreciate the good stuff even more.

Last week, Pandora Radio graced me with this random song by Tracy Chapman. I think she may have written it for me.

But I have no regrets no guilts in my heart
I only feel sadness for any pain that I've caused
I guess I wouldn't bother to worry at all
If I'd lived right

30 days meme - day 1

So, yeah - we already did the intro, right? Right. So now we're going to do this 30 day meme floating around forever ago (which I am stealing from Cori. Obviously when you're blogging, you want to find an excuse to talk about yourself. And this is a 30 day thing, which will help me get back into the swing of things. And so... here we go.

Day 01: A recent picture of you, and 15 interesting facts about yourself

I took this picture last weekend as I was getting ready for a night out. It's rare for Jason and I to get a nigh t out without kids to come home to, so I went a bit overboard with the eyeliner and actually ironed my hair. Woo.

Now for the (not so) interesting things about me.

01 I've been wearing the same shade of lipstick (Clinique Black Honey) since 1994 when I asked Yoanna House what color she was wearing. I was a senior, she was a freshman, and we were standing at school next to  t he lone Coke machine on campus.

02 I've colored my hair since the summer between 7th and 8th grade, up until 2 years ago. My hair is at its natural shade now, and I am itching to get it back to something I prefer, but time and money are keeping me from making this happen.

03 I believe there is a scene from an episode of Sex and the City that applies to every life situation.

04 I love my kids more than words can say, but I am not a person who is fond of children and I find myself at a loss when I'm encountered with children that are not mine or those of a close friend/relative.

05 I donated my hair to Locks of Love last year and instantly regretted it - kind of. I am more than happy and honored to help kids in need, but I really miss that 10 inches of hair.

06 Both of my babies were born via C-Section - Hunter because of a nursing error and Sophia due to an emergency. Deliveries are always dramatic, but daaamn.

07 I drive too fast and I like it.

08 I go to Target more than anyone else I know.

09 I was an English Ed major in college, but never bothered to finish. I don't regret it. Usually.

10 My parents divorced when I was 24. I had been waiting for it to happen since I was 13. That didn't make it any easier.

11 I've always wanted to be Jewish.

12 I remember my parents taking me to the premiere of Return of the Jedi in 1983 when I was 5. I don't really remember the movie, just standing in line.

13 I prefer wearing high heels (3" or more) with my jeans. My weight in the past year or so has stopped me from doing so - now that I've slimmed down a bit, I've started wearing them again, even though the parking lot at work is very big.

14 I really, really, look forward to Saturday morning yoga class. I feel that the studio I was lucky enough to find is a real safe haven for me.

15 I cook dinner for my family 5-6 nights a week.

hello, there

So after much hemming and hawing, I've started a blog again. It's been a long, long time since I've blogged at all, and I'm going to assume that a lot of you reading this right now already know me. But in case I'm wrong...

Hi, I'm Jenn. I've been here and there over the years, but mostly just Tweeting and Facebooking for the past 2-3 years. I have two kids - Hunter, 7 and Sophia, 1 - and I'm sure I'll be blogging about them, but I promise you: I'm no mommy blogger. I'm in the middle of shedding those pesky baby pounds (again) and am about halfway to my goal (35ish pounds lost, and 40ish pounds to go) and struggling daily to eat as Paleo as possible (or at least keep it mostly low carb). I work a normal 9-5 job in a call center (except my hours are 7:30-4) which is geeky enough to keep me interested and silly enough to keep me entertained. I enjoy cooking and watch reruns of Julia Child at night when the baby refuses to go to sleep. I practice yoga on Saturday mornings.

Oh, and I really like makeup.

Nice ta meetcha.